But For Real

What if the version of you most of the world knows… isn’t actually *you*?In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with Devon Price, PhD—social psychologist, author of Unmasking Autism (+ several other books!), and badass autistic human—to get really REAL about something that is kinda the opposite of that:Masking.That pattern of adaptation that’s helped you survive… but can slowly erode at your sense of self. 🫠In this conversation, we get into what it actually means to “mask” as an autistic or otherwise neurodiverg...

So… your partner brings up opening the relationship. 👀And you’re trying to be thoughtful, open-minded, maybe even a little curious…but there’s also this voice in the background like:“Wait… do I actually want this?” 🫠In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with therapist Em Mortenson to get into the real conversation around polyamory and ethical non-monogamy—beyond the labels, beyond the hot takes, and into what this actually looks and feels like in real life.Because yeah, on paper?It can sound freeing. Hones...

What if the thing you’ve been calling “being rude”… is actually just having a boundary?Yeah. Let’s talk about it.Because somewhere along the way—especially for women, people-pleasers, and anyone raised to prioritize politeness over honesty—boundaries got branded as selfish, cold, or straight-up b*tchy.And honestly? That narrative is doing damage.In this episode of But For Real, we’re doing a full, unfiltered deep dive into boundaries—what they actually are, why they feel so uncomfortable, and how your relationship with them changes as you grow up (or burn o...

We need to talk about suicide… like actually talk about it.Not in the polished, clinical, tip-list way. Not in the fear-based, “don’t say the wrong thing” way. But in the real, messy, human way that most of us have experienced—whether personally or through someone we love.Because here’s the truth: suicide is way more common, complex, and misunderstood than we’re comfortable admitting. And the way we talk about it? Often makes it harder—not easier—for people to feel seen, supported, or safe enough to open up.In this episode of Bu...

We need to talk about sex addiction — because culturally, this phrase gets thrown around a lot. And depending on who you ask, it’s either a legitimate disorder… or a moral panic wrapped in clinical language.Either way, it is certainly true that some people need expert support to realign their sexual behavior with their values and intentions, and heal any wounds that may underlie sexual acting out. But is addiction the one best model for doing this work?In this episode of But For Real, we’re diving into the messy, controversial world of sex addi...

We need to talk about child stars, y’all. 🎬 Not just in a nostalgic “remember when?” way. And not just in a “look at their meltdown” way. In a developmental, nervous-system, attachment theory-informed way.Because culturally, we’ve been sold a shiny story about fame, money, and success. But from a developmental perspective, achieving fame early in life can leave lasting scars, which are too often exploited as memes and clickbait headlines. In this episode of But For Real, we unpack the psychological underbelly of child stardom — from Britney in that revealing schoolgirl uniform at 16 to Bieber strippe...

Let’s be honest. We all love a little drama… as long as it’s not happening to us. 😜From celebrity family feuds to wedding-day chaos to messy public statements, we can’t look away. But the second that kind of public-facing conflict hits our own nervous system? We’re either shutting down, spiraling, or plotting our escape into permanent invisibility.In this episode of But For Real, therapists Val and Emerson unpack the psychology of why we love drama and gossip— at least, of course, until it’s about us. We’re talking attachment wounds, tribalism...

If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey.In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it.We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous...

If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated, this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it.In Episode 36 of But For Real, Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like.We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spi...

January is just… weird, y’all. Not awful necessarily, but also not really the motivation-charged era we’re culturally conditioned that it should be. In this episode of But For Real, we’re naming the post-holiday emotional hangover that sneaks up on so many of us every January. The irritability. The numbness. The low-grade existential dread. The urge to hibernate while the internet screams “new year, new you.”We’re calling it Seasonal Feelings Disorder, not a diagnosis, not a pathology, just an honest name for the cocktail of nervous system burnout, disrupted routines, winter darkness, and c...

Ever tried hypnosis and thought, “Cool… nothing is happening,” while everyone else in the comments claims their soul left their body?Same.In this episode, we’re pulling hypnosis out of the movie version and into real life. No clucking like a chicken. No blacking out. No dramatic “going under.” Just an honest, funny, science-backed conversation about what hypnosis actually is, why it often feels subtle, and why your brain isn’t broken if you’re still aware of everything.We talk about blinking aggressively during guided sessions, noticing every swallow, wondering if you left the dry...

Music is literally the soundtrack of our lives – and music can be incredibly healing when used in the right way. In this episode of But For Real, Valerie and Emerson dive into the ins and outs of music therapy, how and why it works, and how you can start your own music therapy journey.This episode covers:04:12 - Tea & Crumpets: Virginia Giuffre’s memoir: Nobody’s Girl + Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty09:47 - Step Into My Office: Could music therapy be right for me, even if I’m not “musical”?15:03 - The DSM: What Even Is Musi...

If you feel like adult life is just full of responsibilities, to-dos, meetings, and seriousness, you’re not alone. With busy schedules and the weight of the world, it’s easy to feel disconnected. In this episode of But For Real, Valerie and Emerson explore the relationship we have as play as adults, why it’s actually integral to your well-being and how to start inviting in joy again 🫶This episode covers:03:17 - Tea & Crumpets: Freaky Friday + Freakier Friday and Emerson’s screen free sauna/steam Sunday routine07:08 - Step Into My Office: How can I get over th...

In a world full of uncertainty and pain, life can feel devoid of meaning and hope—but what if life could also feel incredibly rich by showing up for it fully? You don’t have to have it all figured out to live with depth, and existential humanistic psychology can help you reconnect with life meaningfully.This episode covers:03:33 - Tea & Crumpets: Rewatching Nashville + The Lowdown07:21 - Step Into My Office: Okay, I’ve learned to cope… but now what?11:25 - The DSM: Existential-Humanistic Psychology43:30 - Now That's What I Call....OKAAAAY!44:43 - Em’s Pick: "End of Beg...

In a world that’s both metaphorically and literally on fire, it can feel nearly impossible to figure out how the hell to live without either feeling like you’re gaslighting yourself into “normalcy” or getting so paralyzed by eco-anxiety that you can’t function. In this episode, Valerie and Emerson dive into all things Eco-Anxiety & Planet Grief, as well as steps you can take to navigate a burning world without getting STUCK in the apathetic loop of grieving our Mother Earth.This episode covers:04:40 - Tea & Crumpets: Katrina: Come Hell and High Wa...

Conversations around self-growth are all over every media platform these days – and while introspection and commitment to growth and change is important, it’s easy for it to be an all consuming trap that’s actually the opposite of growth.In this episode, Valerie and Emerson take a deep dive into the history of the self-growth industrial complex, explore what’s useful, debunk what’s not, and give you real advice on how to tackle self-improvement without spiraling.This episode covers:05:26 - Tea & Crumpets: Bob Trevino Likes It + the Abbey Yung hair metho...

In a time where it feels like 2000s diet culture is back in full force, this week’s episode about eating disorders and body image is important now more than ever. Whether you’re currently struggling with your body, have struggled in the past, love someone who struggles, or are just interested in a deep dive on these complex challenges, this episode is for you.This episode covers:02:32 - Tea & Crumpets: Sabrina Carpenter’s new album and The Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stulberg05:08 - Step Into My Office: Do I have an eating disorder or is jus...

Today we have such an exciting episode and a special guest. Santasha Wright-Comer, LMSW, is a Sex-Informed Therapist here The Gaia Center who believes healing and pleasure go hand in hand. A proud wife and mom of two, Santasha brings both warmth and realness into her work, especially when supporting LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC communities in finding safety, joy, and intimacy in their relationships. When she’s not in session, you can catch her in dance class, laughing with her family, or researching the latest mods for The Sims 4.In this episode, SanTasha shares so much wisdom related to...

Alcohol culture is pervasive—and while alcohol isn’t unhealthy for EVERYONE, the discourse can be pretty inescapable. Whether you’ve been alcohol free for years, curious about your relationship with alcohol, or trying to stop, this episode is for you!This episode covers:00:03:08 - Tea & Crumpets: All Rhodes Lead Here by Mariana Zapata and delaying gratification by doing things slowly00:08:20 - Step Into My Office: How do I set boundaries with family related to alcohol?00:13:25 - The Lore: Val’s journey to an alcohol free life00:26:55 - The DSM: Alcohol in 202500:57:36 - Now That's What I Call...

In this episode, Valerie and Emerson dive into an always controversial topic: infidelity. They explore what infidelity actually is, statistics, why people cheat, cultural considerations, and the role therapy can play.This episode covers:03:28 - Tea & Crumpets: The Osbournes and Shrinking Season 206:08 - Step Into My Office: HELP! My friend is cheating…10:04 - The DSM: THE hottest debate in all media ever and IRL relationships… let’s talk about INFIDELITY38:29 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!41:52 - Emerson’s Pick: "My Mind" by Yebba46:45 - Valerie’s Pick: "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Dis...